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5 Infuriating Things Non-Adoptees Say To #Adoptees

Just because I express negative emotions about being adopted does not necessarily make me an angry adoptee.

This article is written for every adoptee who has ever dared to express anything that could be remotely perceived as being negative about their adoption experience!

1. I wish I was adopted!

Do tell me.

2. I know an adoptee, and they are very happy.

This might come as a surprise, but just because you know one adoptee does not make you an expert! Adoptees who dare to speak out are shut down so quickly by such responses that it makes it very difficult to continue to speak out. I belong to a marginalized group and we continue to be treated as perpetual children without a voice.

3. I am sorry you had a bad experience.

Let me state once again for the record, not that it’s anyone’s business, that I love my adoptive family and they love me. My experience of adoption was bad but that’s because of adoption itself not because I don’t love or I didn’t feel loved. I just hated being adopted and I was traumatized by it. This is well understood in research but rarely discussed and understood by mainstream — it’s time this changed. You only need type “adoption trauma” into any search engine and you will find articles, adoptee blogs and books on this. For example, Dear Adoption hosts letters written by adoptees and I commend this to you. Who better to educate you on adoption than adoptees, right?

4. You don’t speak for all adoptees.

5. Why are you so angry? You should be grateful!

In sum, just because I express negative emotions and speak out about the injustices (as a function of being adopted) does not mean I live my life in anger. That said, if an adoptee wants to classify themselves as “angry” then that is their prerogative and I support them! But you non-adoptees, NO, you don’t get to call me or any other adoptee angry, so please, respectfully, STOP!

Once again, I thank my adoptive family for embracing my voice and for supporting me as I speak out about issues. Finally, thank you to all the adoptee voices on Twitter and Facebook, you are my wings.

I'm an adoptee & member of Adoptee Rights Australia. I'm passionate about adoptee equality, social justice & human rights:https://adopteerightsaustralia.org.au